You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize