problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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