I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
