He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
