I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
