My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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