under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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