is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize