GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize