dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
