I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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