I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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