Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
