i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
