i just wanna soil my oats bro
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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