between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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