Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize