apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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