I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
