so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize