I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
