I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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