Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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