Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
