I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
