There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
