you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
