I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
