standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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