The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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