I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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