i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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