idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
