You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize