Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
