your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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