shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
