Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
