Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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