is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
