i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
