I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
