So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
