dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
