So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
