apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
