Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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