Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
