Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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