why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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