With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
