Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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