Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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