so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
