Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
