Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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