No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
