I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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