with your own penis?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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