I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
