I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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