i think my tv is drunk
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it was like eating out sand paper
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
