standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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