Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
