Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
