Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
