Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
