Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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