meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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