she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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