I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
