and you said cock pushups were impossible
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize