remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
