you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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